kUkAi

i don’t know…

months before i was about to step in the “real” world, i so wished and decided to have a job that i will really, really love… a job that won’t feel and look as a job because i love every minute of doing it…

but now, after 3 months, i knew, that my job as a functional consultant is not fulfilling… i don’t see me achieving and loving the techie kind of work.. i don’t know if i’m being pessimistic about it, but this is what i’m feeling for the past three months…

i just can’t take it anymore. i just hate the feeling of having to wake up each morning wishing that the day would be over for me to just get out of the office and deal with more important things…

i’m not enjoying and i hate it…

sense of fulfillment–nada!

it started last December 30, 2008, i felt the need of having someone or something to give my attention to… i felt that i have so much love to give, but there’s no one worth giving it to.. so i decided to have a pet, my first ever pet… my oh-so-good-and-supportive cousin angel, decided to buy me one… i actually wanted to have a guinea pig but she insisted to go for the hamsters… so i gave in…

caramel and frappe was bought…

for days, weeks, i’ve took care of them and gave then the attention they need… i even had an argument with my mom’s thriftiness… ayaw ba naman ako payagan bumili ng cage… she thought it’s just a waste of money and knowing her daughter na puro hanggang umpisa lang…

it turned out she’s right…

after i was allowed to buy them a cage, i gradually lost the interest of taking care of them… i always depend on help in feeding, bathing and taking care of them… until all the responsibility was left with our househelp…

sobrang magulo si caramel, kababaeng hamster sobrang ligalig, gusto niang mkaaalis sa cage… one night, when i returned from school, caramel was gone… i lost the interest of finding her, i thought she was regarded as supper by a cat… but luckily and unexpectingly, we found her at our bathroom… ang galing nasurvive niya ang cruel outside world niya…

but mukhang destined siyang mawala because after few days of finding her, natuluyan na siyang nakaalis sa cage… sayang! sobrang active pa naman nun…

so, ayun, i bought another pair, if before my reason was sharing the love, this time, i bought another pair just for the sake of buying one… kawawa naman kasi si frappe, naiwan na lang dun nagtatatakbo sa wheel niya…

hindi nga siguro ko animal lover…

and so… they were three…

after some weeks, namatay iyong isa, pinagtulungan nung dalawang natira… napakamean…

and then, they were two…

hanggang kahapon…

nakaalis na rin iyong isa… when i heard that, i never even attempted to go and look for it, i don’t even know, kung sino ang natira… hindi ko na tinignan…

tama mommy ko… hanggang umpisa nga lang ako…

kawawa naman sila… sa akin sila napunta…

this day is so0o0o0o0 boring…

i feel like there are a lot of more important things to do than just sit for eight lo0o0o0ng hours and do nothing…

i want to be and feel productive…

i miss school…

i’m having a hard time writing this entry… thoughts are rushing in and i can’t put it in a way where i can exactly say what i mean without being misunderstood…

i know i should not feel this way, but i just can’t… i hope i’m not the one pulling you down… i want to be the one who drives you to excel, the one who helps you to be the best that you can be…

everytime we have this kind of thing, you always say that it’s not my fault, that i should not feel guilty for i did not do anything wrong… but i’m sorry, and u know this, i feel completely the opposite…

unconsciously, somehow, it is my fault… and i can’t take that… my heart just can’t take to see that i’m affecting the special person in my life in a not so good way…

i want to be the girl who you believe motivates you in every aspect of your life…

you know that losing you will mean everything… i want you to feel that i am the one, that’s why for the nth time, i’ll exert extra, extra, extra, extra effort in making you feel that you indeed found the one—not just because we share mutual feelings but because i am the one who backs you up, influences and inspires you in everything that you do…

and counting…

others may think that we are over exaggerating things… that it is just the first month, that we will still get to know each other, that one month is not enough to exert those efforts and make those sacrifices… but for us… they are SO wrong…

every moment is special and we want to let each other feel that we treasure all those special moments…

our first month was not only the stage of sweet-sweetan moments just like the others… ours was more of the mature side… along with those over kilig moments, we experienced obstacles that we solved together and those were not just petty trials, ours was in terms of helping each other grow and appreciate what we have and having the patience to not give up… just yesterday, fate fixed one of our "pinagtatawanan-na-lang-namin-issue"—the situation just proved that no matter who intrude in our close to perfect relationship, we are very sure of what we feel and that feeling will never ever change…

i am just so happy to have this kind of relationship…

one month and counting…

i know the count will never stop…

i am in love and i am just so proud about that…

it’s been two days since we’ve been together… hindi ako sanay…

but we have to… so that when the day we’ve been so waiting for will be super enjoy and super fun… i just can’t wait…

i don’t know kng anong iniisip niya, pero sabi niya, nagpapamiss siya… grr.. talaga naman…Ü! well, it’s working… sobrang namimiss ko na siya… pero sabi niya relax lang daw ako… (note: as im writing this, kinikilig na ko and winiwish kong saturday na…)

it will be our first monthsary on monday, it may seem mababaw, pero for us, it is so special… actually, everyday is so special because we have each other… it’s been one month since we’re officially together but what we feel is different—we feel that we’ve been together for so long that no one and nothing can ruin what we have…

it’s always like that…

when you guys are not together…

you can’t help but miss each other…

but when you’re together,

you just wish time would stop…

you feel like the time is not enough to let your feelings show…

it is so much fun having to spend all of your time with someone who’s worth everything–someone you really, really love…

i just love surprises especially those kind that’s super unexpected…

minsan may mga surprises akong nasspoil kasi tanong ako ng tanong (kaya nga minsan oversharing naÜ), basa ko ng basa ng sent items (hehe.. sorry.. Ü) or minsan nafifeel ko lang kasi halata eh..

pero knna, when i was about to go home, i did not feel a thing… i made that second look sa "lobby" kasi the person i have been wanting to see since saturday is waiting for me…

i just love the feeling…

sobrang kilig talaga… sobrang saya…

sobrang kilig kasi sinurprise ka ng taong mahal mo

and

sobrang saya kasi alam niyo na hindi niyo matitiis na hindi kayo magkitang dalawa…

i am inlove♥… and i won’t get tired of saying that out loud… ♥

Then, my blog screams sadness.

Now, my blog will only talk about love, happiness and contentment…

After months of making blogs, sad blogs, that is…someone believed and inspired me that I’m better off recalling happy memories.

One Friday morning, someone changed and brought the kilig back into my life. Though I’m having qualms about how this would go, I still knew that this time it will be different, this time, all efforts will not go to waste and this time, forever will really mean forever…

Before we met, we’ve both went through tough times with our respective lives, but when we became part of each other’s lives, we’ve learned that God put us through those hardships to appreciate each other’s existence. The hardships we went through helped us become who we are now—complete individuals who were made to complement each other.

This time, we know how to make a relationship work and I know that we will do anything and everything for everything to fall on its right place…

I just want to shout out the random reasons why I am so blessed to have this person in my life for good…

-brings out and loves the child in me

-knows when I’m not ok

-helps me see the things I can’t see

-says, “ma, hinga” when I’m being my tensionada self

-enjoys my clumsiness

-listens and understands me

-thinks of our future

-very giving and selfless

-knows what I really feel… sasabihan pa kong faker para umamin ako…

-even appreciates me more than I appreciate myself

-sweet, affectionate and full of surprises

-takes good care of me

-wants the best for me

-teaches me how to stand on my own

-teaches me to think of the things that lies ahead

-teaches me to be confident in making my own decisions

-talks about things with sense

-helps me realize that being a “wife” is a very fulfilling job

-very much concern with my welfare

-mad with the people who have hurt me

-hot in every essence of the word

-genuinely loves everything in me

These are just some of the reasons why I thank God He gave me this person.

Yes, it is much better writing happy thoughts …

It is much better making happy memories with the person you truly love…

Everything is better because I have someone who will be with me until the end of time… =)

i am so deeply in love and i’m proud of it…

shux.. totoo pala un noh, ang malapit mag birthday, ang ikakasal ang gagraduate malapit sa disgrasya…

proven and tested…

i was out a while ago with my friends at bago ko sila mamit, muntikan ko ng mabangga ung altis na nasa harapan ko…

bago naman ako umuwi paglabas ko sa parking, aun natuluyan.. naatrasan ko ung innova…

malas talga…

ang laki ng dent…

argh…!

sana hindi ako mapagalitan… sana hindi ako makulong… sana makagraduate pa ko…

sana naman hindi ako ganito kapraning…